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| January '09 |
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What a feeling! It feels so great to be so in control. So confident that I can do this. So I thought I'd share one of my all time favorite songs! Man I miss legwarmers. Don't forget to read my real post of the day, though. You know I typically try not to post more than once in a day! Sorry!
I wish I weren't fat. I wish I hadn't let myself go back in 1995 when DH & I first got together. I wish I hadn't let myself go again after I had Tatum. And then again after my dad died in 2006. And then again just recently. I wish I weren't a yo-yo. I wish I didn't have a muffin top. I wish my hair would grow back. I wish my mom didn't have to have surgery tomorrow. I wish I had a body like Jillian Michaels. I wish I had the drive to do those hardcore workouts to get that body! I wish I could hit goal for once! I wish I could wake up like Valerie Bertinelli on New Year's Day and not worry about my weight. Hell, I wish I could wake up ANY day of the year and not worry about it! I wish I could be a naturally thin person.
Okay, now, I have a couple of redneck analogies on wishes.
Wish in one hand and shit in the other. See which one fills up first.
If wishes and buts were beer and nuts, oh what a party we'd have.
Now, there are somethings you can do something about and somethings you can't. Like my hair, for instance. It will grow back at it's own rate. And aside from getting a weave, there's nothing I can do about it. But I CAN choose to make healthy habits for myself. And that will take care of a lot of the wishes up there. No, I will never be a "naturally" thin person. But you know what? Well....
Remember, life is not fair. That's one of the hardest lessons in life to learn. Sometimes it seems so tedious to log all my food. Or get up at 4 am to exercise. But what's the alternative. Staying fat. I know there are lots of things that I choose to do in order to lose weight that I personally don't feel like doing. But I also don't feel like being fat anymore. I hear people all the time talking about...I can't stand logging my food. I don't have time to work out. I don't feel like it. That's fine. That's also your choice. And in that instance, don't complain about being fat. I think you've got to be willing to do something about it and then follow through! ACTION!
Rant over. LOL!
Last night, I had to seriously talk to myself. Seriously. I was sitting on the couch reading a magazine. I remembered we had some marshmallows in the pantry. (These were from the night I made chocolate fondue...) I put the magazine down and lowered the recliner. I was going for it. Then I thought, "I deserve to be thin. I DESERVE to feel good. I deserve to look good. I deserve to not hate getting dressed. So I raised the recliner back up and grabbed the magazine and started reading again. DH thinks I'm crazy. If he only knew what really goes on in my head, he would know for sure that I'm crazy!
I was up so many times last night. I'm not sure why. I still got up to exercise. I thought that, really, an extra 45 minutes of sleep wouldn't make a difference. Especially since the alarm already went off. It wasn't like I'd really go back to sleep in those 45 minutes. And if I did, I'd probably feel worse when I got up. So I did SuperCharged Sculpting from the Firm. I know, I said Aerobic Body Shaping, but that's not what I meant. I only do that one on Sunday when I have more time. It's 55 minutes long. I choose to not get up any earlier than 4 am to workout. LOL!
On plan day, right?? YEP! For sure.
My mom's surgery is tomorrow. Prayers, please.
I so didn't want to come into work today. The novelty of being back after vacation has worn off. I'm ready to be at home again. But then again, I know I do better in regards to my weight loss when I'm working. Not to mention, I drained all my paid time off at Christmas. I'll accrue more as I go, though. No worries.
The alarm went off at 4 am this morning. I immediately reset the alarm for my non-exercise time. I decided that Monday's and Saturday's would be my rest days. Uh, yeah, sure. That's fine. Really. As long as I plan it. But I had planned to get up and exercise.
What did I do? I bit the bullet. I got up. I want to reach my goals. Excusing my way out of exercising this morning could have led to more excuses tomorrow. Excuses or results? Which do I want?? RESULTS!
I did my 20 minute WATP Strength Walk DVD. Then I did 10 minutes of Yoga on the Wii Fit. I'm hoping I have the motivation to do a little more on the Wii Fit this evening. Tomorrow's plan is Aerobic Body Shaping to ease myself back into strength training. Nope, I didn't do it yesterday. DH woke up a little early and I chose to just be lazy. I don't typically like to do those DVDs when he's awake. Of course, he could have just gone into the computer room to play one of his new games. But like I said.... I CHOSE to be lazy. At least I got in those 30 minutes on the Wii Fit.
I started a new food journal at the beginning of the year. I got this really cute notebook/journal. It's spiral, but small. (Thanks, Gwynn) Well, Tatum spilled Coke or something all over it yesterday. UGH! It was like $6.00. Maybe more, I can't remember. I don't want to get a new one, but I can stand the mess. I don't like crinkly paper. I like smooth paper. I don't like what it did to the front and back cover. It's a hardback and it made it all soggy. It hasn't even completely dried yet. I'm so anal about things like that. OH, and I really hate the word anal.
Anyway, it's Monday. As of 8:45 am, I can say that I have done my best so far at making my behaviors match up with my goals. And there's still lots of time left in the day for success!
We went to Friday's last night and I got the Shrimp Key West. It is SO good. It's just two skewers of grilled shrimp with some kind of seasoning and then broccoli on the side. There's a real limey-citrusy flair to it. It is so good. And healthy. I started off with a salad, though. Full fat ranch dressing. It was yummy too. Then when I got home, I took a bath. And then....I had cheese and crackers. That was so not on plan. I should have just gone to bed. Because really, I was tired, not hungry.
This morning, I did 32 minutes on the Wii Fit. I love that boxing. It really gets my arms working. They are sore... Even my forearms are sore. Oh gosh, I hope I don't end up looking like Popeye.
Right now I am letting Tatum play on the Wii Fit. Her favorite is the penguin balance game. She's REALLY good at it. Especially for a five year old.
I'm hoping that by letting her play now, she'll "help" me workout later. I'm really wanting to do Aerobic Body Shaping from the TransFIRMer series. She likes to help, remember? Truth be told, she's more in the way. But she's moving and not being a couch potato, so I can't complain.
Speaking of couch potato... she got a couple of new games for her Nintendo DS for Christmas. She really loves the New Super Mario Brothers game. (Not really sure what it's called.) I mean, that game is like crack for her. For the first time, we are having to limit her game time. She wants to play it ALL the time. I guess we have a mini-gamer on our hands. Oh, she is her daddy's child!
So guys, are you making it the best weekend ever? Are you doing all you can to reach your goals. I can honestly say that NO I haven't. I've overeaten most days. I did some good exercise Friday, but none yesterday. I'm going to try to make today the best day ever! On Plan...all the way!
OH, and don't forget.....The Biggest Loser starts Tuesday. Set your DVRs just in case.
Well, yesterday, I had Mexican for lunch. That weakness will always be there. And I know it's okay to give in every so often. However, I wasn't planning on giving in so fresh into the new year. It was dead at the office yesterday. It was just dragging. I didn't want to eat my soup. So I asked my boss if she wanted to go eat Mexican. And of course, she did.
I got home and wasn't hungry. So I went for a wog. That's right. A wog! It felt good for the most part. My knees are a little achy today. Then I did 30 minutes on the Wii Fit. I did Yoga for 15 minutes and then various other activities for the other 15. HEY FIONA! I unlocked the boxing. Yep, it was fun! (That's where my title comes in.)
I was a little hungry after all that. So I ate a Smart Ones Egg & Cheese Breakfast Sandwich. 210 calories. See, I don't think you should ever punish yourself when you overeat. What I mean by that is don't skip meals JUST because you overate. If you are hungry, you should eat. Don't say, "I was a pig at lunch and can't eat dinner." That's not a healthy attitude. But you all know that, right?
I've been doing a lot of positive self talk today. I don't have room for a lot of splurges after lunch yesterday. No, that's not punishing myself. That's just a little damage control. I am still eating my six meals, just not choosing to have my treats today. I've gone in the fridge, gotten something out, and then thought about it and put it back. It feels good having that control.
Whew....my mid-section is pretty sore from the hula hooping last night.
Hope you're having a great weekend. It's icky weather here. Very warm (upper 60's) but rainy.
Okay, I'm going to try to keep this organized and in chronological order. However, my brain usually goes faster than I can type and I didn't plan this post out.
New Year's Eve... We stayed home, which was so nice. We decided to have a junk food fest. Yes, we did. I had one plate full. Yes, it was still too much. But I stopped at one plate. And that was our dinner. Tatum didn't know what to think of that. She's like, "CHIPS???" I got full but not stuffed. So I call that an NSV!
When I got up yesterday, I realized we had leftover junk food. My first thought was that I screwed up last night, I might as well eat some more. Then I was like, you know, I didn't really screw up. I was on plan all day until dinner. It really isn't that bad. So I ate my toast, PB, and banana. YUM! I will put that down as another NSV. I decided to get right back on track after my splurge.
Yesterday's overall eating was great. I went a little high on the calories, but still not over my top limit. I feel good about that. No exercise, though.
Then... I realized that I was putting off my before pictures. It was THE day, and it was already 6:00 pm. I was freaking out about doing it. So I just bit the bullet. DH was so nice. He didn't make any comments. I wasn't thinking he'd call me fat, just oooh la la kind of comments, which would make me so uncomfortable. It was horrible to take that robe off. Then when he was done, he came over and gave me a big hug.
At that moment, I realized I had made a break through. I know, logically, DH doesn't care about my weight. But in the back of my head, I guess I had this little notion that after he saw me like that, he'd be like, OMG! I'm married to THAT?! It felt good to put it all out there...so to speak... and still be loved. That was my breakthrough moment for sure. I am looking forward to doing these pictures every month. So you see, it was horrible and amazing all at the same time.
I took all my measurements. I printed everything out to go into my scrapbook. But I think I'm changing color schemes.
I got up this morning to exercise. I was feeling pretty lazy for some reason. I did my 20 minute Strength Walk DVD. Then I was going to do 20 minutes of Yoga on the Wii Fit. Like I said, I was feeling lazy. So I watched an informercial instead. DOH!
I'm at work now and ready for an on plan day!
Happy New Year!
Can you believe after today, 2008 is over? Dang! I can't! Wow! But I am looking forward to 2009. I have big plans and big goals. I am so ready to make this happen. Once and for all.
I was on plan again yesterday. That's, like, two days in a row. Hahaha! I'm on a roll! In all seriousness, though, it's a much better streak than it had been. I was making it to LUNCH before I strayed. I'm feeling pretty good.
I got up this morning at 4 am and did my 30 minute Brisk Walk DVD. Yeah, I need to get out of the habit of doing those every day. I'm hoping that next week, I'll get back into the hardcore Firm DVDs again. I need to get back into that strength training.
I can't wait for the time to change, either. With DH out of school, I'll be able to go to Shelby Farms and get my wog on again. As of right now, I don't get off work in time to really get any good laps in. They close at sunset. I really hope I'm going to be able to run. If not, I'll just have to deal with it. But I really miss that high.
Y'all be sure to go by Carolyne's blog. You might remember her as KillerHair. She's back. And it's about damn time....she's been dodging my emails! Not really. She actually responded to one. Haha!
We don't really have any plans tonight. That works for me. We might go to my friend's house. But we might just stay home. I had a hard time falling asleep last night, so I'm rather tired. I very rarely ring in the ACTUAL new year at midnight. I'm never awake that late.
Well, here's to another on plan day. I don't know if I'll be able to get on here tomorrow. Our internet at home has been touch and go. Mostly NO GO!
No, I'm not posting a recipe. I'll get to the title in a minute.
Yesterday, was a perfectly on plan day. I'm so happy. Finally! I got home from work. DH cooked our spaghetti. YUM! He is kind of watching what he eats now. He's 5'7" (he says 5'8") and weighs 185-ish. So he's not terribly overweight or anything. But he'd like to watch it a little. I'm cool with that. Because I tend to eat when I see him eating. Anyway, after dinner, I decided I wanted to go get my hair cut. There was this short 'do I've been eyeing every time we went to the hair place. So it's not completely spur of the moment. What I got was NOT what was in the picture. DH says it looks just like it and he loves it. (He said this before I cried, so I know he's telling the truth.) The picture showed a short, but feminine 'do. Well, I got MUCH shorter and not so soft. I was supposed to have longer layers than I do. I was supposed to have it longer in the back. It was supposed to cover the top part of my ears. But it doesn't.
I get my hair cut at Wal-Mart....yeah, I guess that's my first mistake. But it's convenient with their hours and I can afford the prices. And my eyebrows look GREAT! Since we were at Wally World and I was depressed, I bought a new outfit. Did you know that Wal-Mart sells Levi's Jeans? I didn't. I have to wear turtle necks for a while. The lady cut the back of my neck up a little. I have serious neck hair and any short style requires neck shaving.
I got home and just wanted to cry. I wanted to eat. Then I realized that no matter what, it wouldn't make my hair grow any faster. No binge would give me my inverted bob back. No binge would help this situation. It would only make it worse. So I didn't eat.
So I couldn't sleep last night. I was so anxious to get today out of the way. But yet, I wanted to crawl under a rock until my hair grows back out. So I was still up at 1:00 am.
Then at 4 am the alarm went off. I said, "Screw it! I'm gonna need to lose weight to pull off this hairstyle." I got up and did my 20 minute Strength Walk DVD. Then I did 10 minutes of Yoga on the Wii Fit. I think I'll do a little more of something on the Wii Fit tonight.
Then I took my shower and got ready. As I'm fixing my hair, I'm thinking... Hmmmm.... I dried it in 5 seconds flat. (Okay, a little longer than that.) How easy was that??? A little flat iron to get rid of my cow lick. A little hair putty. Hmmm... Not so bad. I spent a little extra time on my make-up. I wore long earrings. And I smell good. (Sweet Pea from Bath and Bodyworks.) I have to make sure people know I'm a girl. LOL! I am wearing my new outfit and don't feel so terrible now. I'm gonna work this! Of course, I'm also going to let it grow out a little more to the style that I wanted.
I get to work this morning and deposit my food in the fridge. There are more gifts of food in there. But this time, lo and behold, it's oranges and grapefruits. THAT I can do.
So I know you are all going to ask. I'll post a picture of my new hair. It was taken with my cell phone, so it's not that great quality. You don't have to say you love it or anything. I don't want anybody trying to make me feel better. It's just hair and it will grow back. I'm saving money on hair products in the mean time. I'll be getting ready much quicker. It's all good....
So I walk back into work this morning. First stop? Kitchen. I need to get my Diet Cokes chillin'. OMG! More food? How is that even possible? How many goodie baskets did we get while I was off? Apparently a lot. Guess what? I don't even want any of it. Okay, that's not entirely true. But I'll keep telling myself that. I think I'm even starting to believe it.
Speaking of work....awesomeness! My desk was not in disarray when I got here. My teammate actually covered my desk. I would hug him, but he's off today. Time to return the favor??? There's nothing worse than coming back from vacay with so much work that you are overwhelmed on the first day. It sucks. I hate it. Glad it didn't happen this time.
So yesterday, I ate very well. I did have two sugar cookies. However, overall, I did awesome. Especially for a weekend. I even drank all of my water. 40 minutes on the Wii Fit.
Wii Fit.... well, I love it. But I'm not sure I can really count it as my workout. What do you guys do? I mean, I am a little sore from the Yoga and Hula Hooping. But I don't think it was a workout per se. I think I CAN call it activity, though. Any movement is better than none. What I would like to do is wake up early and do my normal workouts, then do the Wii Fit in the evenings for some fun. It IS fun! I need to read the instructions, though. Can you customize a workout so you don't have to keep hitting back and picking your exercises?
Yesterday, I got the first page of my scrapbook started. It's simply my 2009 goals printed on pretty purple paper. (Say that five times fast.) I also printed a copy of the goals and posted it on my bathroom mirror. It will be the first thing I see in the mornings and the last thing I see when I go to bed. I need reminders. I might even post a copy at work. Constant reminders.
I'm ready to be on plan again today. I'm so glad to be back into my routine. I am a little sleepy, but really, I've been kind of groggy my whole vacation. My sleep schedule was so altered. I didn't get up at 4 am this morning like I planned. That's not entirely true. I was awake. I woke up around 3:30. But when the alarm went off, I didn't get out of bed. Tomorrow.... Tomorrow.... Yeah, today IS tomorrow. But you know, it IS my first day back to the grind. I'll do some Advanced Step on the Wii Fit when I get home.
Four days til my dreaded before picture. OMG! I'm freaking out a little. Even if I can set the timer on my camera, I am dreading it. If I can't figure all that out, DH will have to take it. I just don't want him seeing me like this. I'm very modest to begin with. To stand there in my undies scares the hell out of me. Not to mention letting the fat hang out. That's not a mean comment, I AM FAT! It's true. So let's hope I can make it through that. Trauma, I tell you!
I go back to work tomorrow and I think I'm ready. It sucks that my vacation went so fast. But I'm ready for the routine. All this eratic sleeping has given me a headache. No schedule has thrown me for a loop. I've loved my time off, though.
I'm also ready to get down to business. Of course, how many times have I said that? But I really do think I'm ready.
This morning, I got up and did my Wii Fit. I did all the Yoga poses that I have unlocked so far. I did the Basic Step and Advanced Step. Of course, the ski jump. Then I also did the hula hoop. That sucka hurts!
I ate my Smart Ones Breakfast Quesadilla and now I'm on here. I'll probably be on line for a while. I've neglected everything. And everyone. Sorry, guys! I'll try to catch up today or maybe tomorrow.
I have to go get my permanent crown tomorrow. I'm glad that saga will be over. Other than paying him, of course.
Well, I'm hoping for an on plan day. I'll get back on the Wii Fit later on. See, the problem is, I got the Wii Fit, DH got Metroid Prime 3: Corruption for the Wii, Tatum got Mario Kart, and Santa brought DH & me Guitar Hero: World Tour. So, somebody always wants to be on the Wii now. As opposed to the rest of the year when it pretty much just sat collecting dust. But new games bring us all out of the woodwork, I guess. Anyway, I know I can't hog it. But I am logging my time.
See y'all tomorrow. Oh, Monday's, how I love thee! Seriously. As much as I hate them, I do have a soft spot in my heart for them. Plus, I'm off Thursday. Another short week.
